


Stolen Glances

by phoebemaybe



Category: iZombie (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, F/M, Romance, They still love each other and no one can tell me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 17:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15152027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoebemaybe/pseuds/phoebemaybe
Summary: Just a short angsty fic about two estranged lovers who still loved each other dearly. Only Blaine could make Peyton happy and only Peyton could light up Blaine’s life. If only reality were different. Maybe then, they’d have a chance to be together. Properly, rightfully as they should be.





	Stolen Glances

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I haven’t written for Bleyton in ages. I apologise for that. This fic has been sitting in my notes for so long now, since episode 1 of this latest season pretty much. Those lingering looks between them at his restaurant gutted me. They still love each other!!! I apologize for the angst but it had to be written. The ending is a bit hopeful though so don’t hate me too much please! Enjoy~~~

Swallowing, Peyton forced herself to look down, anywhere other than at him, force herself to ignore the heat rising to her cheeks. She couldn’t meet his eye. Why did he have to look at her like that? The way he used to when they traded playful banter or when he flirted with her, the way he used to just before he kissed her. There were just too many memories. Just by being in the same room as him brought everything back.  
  
What she felt for him, when she thought of him and to her utter disappointment, that happened quite a lot, battled between anger and longing. The latter usually won. She should still hate him. She did for a while after she stormed out of that very same door of his now funeral parlour turned restaurant. However, the more time she spent away from him, the anger started to cool off and fade. The hole it left in its wake, the void he left behind began welling up with sadness. Sadness at the thought of not having him close anymore. When she turned her back on him and left, door slamming behind her, unknowingly, she had also left a big chunk of herself behind. Despite how hurt she felt, how angry she was at his lies, she couldn’t stay mad at him. Not the first time, this time was no different. It seemed like every time she tried to stay away, something would ultimately pull them back into each other’s orbits.   
  
Looking back, both times they were together whether it was as John Deux or Blaine DeBeers, one thing stayed the same throughout. Despite all the heinous things he had done, he was always sweet on her. He truly cared for her wellbeing. He never objectified her as anything other than herself, he was there for her when she needed someone, heck he even saved her life! Going to him seeking for comfort and protection seemed the most natural thing to do, even when knowing all the bad he was capable of. If what he said was true, if he had faked his amnesia, then the Blaine that she fell for, that Blaine who shared her bed, whose sleep laden body she loved to burrow into in search of warmth, was just Blaine all along. The very same Blaine that committed all those crimes and turned her friends’ lives upside down.  
  
Maybe she was naive, but she wanted to believe that underneath all that darkness, he had a soul in him because she had caught glimpses of it. From the way he helped Liv by sneaking out a brain when he could very well not care about the humanity of the world, from the goons locked up in prison that he helped her put away and in the form of a vulnerable little boy who only wanted his father’s love. Whether it was out of self interest or to get into her good graces, deep down she could tell he wasn’t that cold, heartless, evil person that everyone perceived him to be. The Blaine she knew, wasn’t evil. Her gut told her that he was capable of goodness. Both sides of him that he presented to her only ever treated her with the utmost care, pampering her with his tender gestures, always managing to make her feel secure and safe from any nightmares with the protective enclosure of his arms.

Now that she had the time to reflect, the Blaine she knew and spent so much time with, be it in her office or the one she let into her home, practically always seemed to glow with a lightness when she was near. He looked at her like she hung the moon and scattered the stars across the galaxy, like she was his everything. Behind his eyes she saw no lies, no insincerity. Was it all a selfish act to get with her? Or to get in bed with her? Was he that good of an actor? Her mind said yes but her heart said no. All that time together, since the very start, he had ample chance to have his way with her. Yet, he never made any inappropriate advances on her, not even when she pretty much threw herself at him. He held back, waiting for her, waiting to see if he had her permission. Sometimes, when she stopped working even for a while, her mind often wandered to thoughts of him, that maybe, just maybe, the sweet amnesiac version of him that he wore like a shroud to escape from his past and the brave informant who dared to stand up to a murderous drug-lord kingpin, were just sides of Blaine that never got to see the light, until her. Perhaps, this sly, cunning, drop dead gorgeous man was just a human being, well zombie to be exact. Someone who was just like anyone else, capable of mistakes and capable of good too if he put his heart to it.   
  
Placing herself in his position, she had a feeling she would want to change her life too. Leave her old, rather terrible, tragic life behind and opt for a new one, a fresh start, doing what she loved for a change even if it meant living a humble life. A humbler but happier one filled with light and days to look forward to spending with someone... dare she think it? He pretty much told her that he was willing to give up his misguided ways for her and be satisfied with running a small business with his singing gig on the side. She was special to him. He said he felt lucky every time she walked in the room. What they had meant something to him. Did he per chance ever love her? Did he still feel that way now? She had so many unanswered questions to ask the enigma that was Blaine McDonough. The man that fleeted in and out, through all the shades of black and white, the man who lived in the grey.

The man she loved.   
  
It might already be too late to know the answer though. They couldn’t be together. Her rational mind told her that she couldn’t let it happen again, not after what he’d done to her friends, not after breaking that trust she held for him. And yet, that traitorous organ within her chest betrayed her once more. It leapt and skipped when she looked up and saw him standing in front of her, looking absolutely divine in his sleek suit with his clear blue eyes, that same platinum blonde, fluffy hair that her fingers had tugged at and ran through so many times, that cheeky smirk that infuriated her so and simultaneously had the power to send her stomach aflutter on the wings of a million butterflies. And his _voice_. His voice, with its rich, deep tenor, a little husky but so sweet when he sang or the way he mumbled sheepish “good morning”s when she opened her eyes to catch him watching her whilst she slept, was something she didn’t realize how much she missed listening to. Reciting her order to him, she hoped he didn’t catch the slight quiver, the slight breathless quality in her voice as she spoke. Hopefully he didn’t realize the impact he still had on her.  
  
Watching his retreating figure, Peyton tried not to stare for too long, trying desperately to cling onto her heart that felt like it was about to beat out of her chest and follow him out the room. “How does he still affect me so?” Peyton thought, taking a sip of her ice water in hopes of calming her flustered emotions, internally berating her pounding heart and him for making her feel like this. There she was thinking, give it some time and she’d be able to abandon all that she felt for him. Apparently not.   
  
“Gods, you are gorgeous.” Derek was a nice guy, a safer choice, the logical choice. His words touched her, but it just didn’t feel the same. Giving his thigh a pat as an extra measure, she hoped Derek never noticed how her smile didn’t reach her eyes, not fully. He brought a smile to her lips, yes, but it paled in comparison to the girly giggles and giddy grins a certain someone who had just walked away could evoke almost effortlessly. He was that someone who just got her, who drifted on the same wavelength as her, someone who understood the concerns that she had, the challenges that she faced daily traversing the line between the zombie world and humanity, most of all someone who never failed to turn her heart into a puddle. Blaine was special to her. Of all the people she could fall for, it had to be him. Fate was funny like that.   
  
Damn him for looking so charming and cool and composed, Peyton cursed silently at him. Shaking her head to push him away, to force back the torrent of emotions he brought about. Peyton turned her focus back to the conversation unfolding before her. Did seeing her again not rouse something, anything in him? Did he really not feel anything for her anymore?   
  


* * *

  
Well, this was unexpected. Who knew a zombie’s pulse of ten beats per minute could reach the rate of a living human’s. She did something to her hair, Blaine noted idly as his heart raced away. It was a little shorter now, a little lighter, less chocolate, more caramel with some blonde highlights streaking the ends. He watched as she laughed at something Mayor Baracus had said. She looked mesmerizing, beautiful, just as he remembered. Five months apart did nothing to dampen the image of her from his mind.   
  
When he was alone, just him and his thoughts, with nothing to plan, nothing to scheme, his mind would automatically fill with everything that was her. He missed her so much that it hurt sometimes. Hard to imagine a dead guy feeling pain, but it happens. Like the blade of a knife straight to the heart, not enough to kill but more than enough to make you feel like you were dying. His heart ached for losing her, his light, his hope for a better life, his motivation for wanting to be a better version of himself, the one thing that brought a genuine smile to his face in so long. The one person who could volley his banter with her own, the one person that made him feel less alone.   
  
“She wasn’t so great.” Candy had said and she was right. Blaine had scoffed. Peyton wasn’t just great, she was the best thing to happen in his life. A pleasant unforeseen element that made his motives to take down Boss even more meaningful. For the first time, he found himself wanting to do something that didn’t just benefit himself. Little by little, he was changing and he wasn’t scared because it meant helping her.  
  
The first time she pushed him away was because of his lies, his fake identity, of what he did to her friend, of his criminal past. A good person shouldn’t be with someone like him. It’s just, he never expected to find someone like her either, he never expected to fall for someone so righteous. Everything about her made him wish he could erase all the bad deeds from his ledger, if they’d met under different circumstance, perhaps she wouldn’t have pushed him away. Peyton Charles was so different, so captivating. She drew him in with her beauty, her sharp wit, her wicked sense of humor and her courage. He had never pined after any woman before her, he never caught himself imagining what it would be like to spend every waking moment with someone working even remotely close to the law, let alone someone who actually upheld it. Of all the people, it had to be her. Before he knew it, he was already too far gone, lost in the brilliance of her. So, he did what he thought was right at the time. Stick with his cover till the job was done, until they took down Boss and the rest of his criminal organization. That way even if things went south, she’d still be able to say she did something good, she did her job. Whether he was going to tell her who he really was after that, he didn’t know. He never thought that far ahead. He just thought they’d have more time. That jab of pain when she pushed him away as a giant mistake made him wish that he’d never done all those despicable things in the past.   
  
And then came the need for him to take the cure to save his life, with the side effect of momentary memory loss. When it came back, he decided to stick with the ruse. He took the chance at what this bout of amnesia could bring - a new life. Unbeknownst to him, that would be the catalyst that ultimately chased her away again. This time, he had no one else to blame but himself. He was on borrowed time, the truth about his amnesia would come out eventually and he was so afraid of losing her. This time around he had so much more to lose with the knowledge of what it was like to be with her, what the taste of real happiness felt like. So, he fell back on that part of him and lied. That selfish, greedy, scheming part of him that he had held on to for survival for so long, that part of him that was all he knew for majority of his life, until her. Even if it meant just one more day, just a little longer to hold her in his arms, to bask in the warm, foreign wonderful feelings that swam around and filled him up to the brim when she was around.  
  
The hurt and the tears that swirled in her green eyes as she got up to leave, as she called him out for his lies gutted him. In that moment he hated himself, he hated that he had hurt her. He never meant for that to happen, to be the source of her pain. His heart cracked in two, one half trailing after her and vanishing into the night as the door slammed shut behind her.  
  
Looking at her now, laughing and smiling, he wondered if he’ll ever hear it again or feel that smile of hers under his lips when he kissed her. He missed them, her laughs, her smiles. He missed being the one to pull them out of her, to watch her face light up at one of his teasing comments. His favourite were the tiny indulgent smiles that she wore as her eyes followed him pattering around the kitchen from her seat by the island, her bare feet swinging. Those smiles that turned bashful at getting caught staring at him when their eyes met over his shoulder while he cooked by the stove. Every one of those precious moments he remembered them all. She sneaked straight into his bruised, lonely heart and refused to leave. He could never ever forget her, she was special.   
  
With her gone from his life, there was nothing from stopping him in doing what he knew best, nothing from stopping him in considering the fact that he was diving back into that dark territory, doing the things that served him and only him, things that got him the most wealth and power by any means necessary. All of those things seemed so insignificant when she was with him. Nothing valued more than the price of her smile, the chance to be loved by her. It was too late for that now, he thought ruefully. She’d never let him get close to her ever again.   
  
Besides, it would seem that she had moved on, Blaine observed, not even bothering to push down that wave of unexplainable jealousy that crashed against the walls of his undead heart or the bitter taste at the back of his throat. He couldn’t stand it any longer, he had to make himself known, break up whatever it was the man beside her was whispering to her about.   
  
Slipping on his best mask, complete with an air of nonchalant arrogance, Blaine ambled over to their table as confident as he could. He addressed the mayor and his wife, before glancing up at her, the woman who clutched his heart in the palm of her hand whether she knew it or not. Damn, she was even more beautiful up close. He could see then, that beauty mark by the corner of her lip that he liked to kiss, the striking green of her irises, plump pink lips of hers that he would never forget the taste of, the elegant waves that rolled through her now shoulder length hair, its silky texture that his fingers had long memorized. He shot her a smirk with a teasing glint in his eye, a look that he knew she’d still react to. Or at least he hoped she would. To his delight she did, for she couldn’t look him in the eye, ducking her head to skim through the menu in her hands that she had already read three times since she sat down. He knew, because he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, since the moment she stepped through the front door and back into his world. He just missed her so much! He couldn’t stop staring at her, just relishing in the vision that she was. Thankfully, Mrs Baracus interrupted him asking for his recommendations and saved him from turning into a smitten unblinking fool.   
  
“Miss Charles,” Even saying her name sent a thrill down his spine. “What can we get for you?”   
  
“The T-bone, rare. And another bourbon, rocks.” Her feminine voice still sounded the same and yet, uncharacteristically... anxious. He could hear a tremor in her voice.  
  
That’s interesting, he thought. She didn’t seem to be furious at him, just flustered at the sight of him. If she detested him as she very well should, knowing her, she’d face him head on, eyes glowing defiantly with her head held high, not like this. That shaky intake of breath, the slight rosiness to her cheeks, the refusal to maintain eye contact, almost as if she were worried of what he would find behind the windows to her soul and the slight bobbing of her throat as she swallowed didn’t escape his observant eyes. It would seem that she hadn’t forgotten him either. It pleased him a little, knowing that maybe, just maybe, she still had feelings for him. No matter how little, even if it were just a sliver. They were still there. He didn’t know what he’d have to do yet, he might have to do a ton of good deeds or save all the starving zombies in New Seattle and then maybe one day, they’d get a chance to further explore what they already had. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Since the show has been officially ruined for me after ep 1, due to some really terrible writing and revolting ships, unless some miracle happens in season 5, which I don’t think will, fanon is the reality to live in now. It’s the only place Bleyton can be happy and together. So, I will definitely be writing more fics for them, if and when the inspiration strikes hehe. 
> 
> See you guys in the future! XD


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